I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
