i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
