i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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