I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
