East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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