I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
