I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
