I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize