the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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