I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
