Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
