I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
