hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
