omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
