but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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