When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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