well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
