just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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