Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize