She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
