Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize