I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
