Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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