Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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