you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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