All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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