guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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