we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
