Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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