Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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