oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
