hotel room ftw
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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