I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
