I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
