i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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