Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
