she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
