I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
