They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
