your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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