fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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