Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
