My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
