well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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