hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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