I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
