My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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