My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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