Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
