LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
