there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
