I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
