Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
