i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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