Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
