I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
