i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
