A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
