We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
a search helicopter?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize