I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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