I want to make a zoo with you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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