I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize