"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
