i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
