It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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