come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
