chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
