This show inspires me to have sex in space
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize