My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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