I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
