Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
